Rant V.1: “Tattooer vs. 18 year old mouth breathers”
Disclaimer: Im known as a ranting fool…I like to make people laugh usually by making fun of things that piss me off. People get it…it helps them take their mind of whatever they’re doing and it helps me to keep from pulling my hair out sometimes. So just know that everything said here is purely theraputic for me and in no way meant to alarm or offend pregnant mothers, homosexuals, 18 year old retards, people with cell phones and txt capabilities, garden gnomes, gay storm troopers, super heroes, people with learning disabilities, the Terminator, people who have sinus problems or Kenny Rodgers. This is simply a rant on a recent group of kids who walked into our shop, caught an attitude about showing us their i.d’s. After breaking several of our shop rules and getting thrown out they decicded to give me their thoughts on my customer service skills via Google. Well allow me to retort. Here we go…deep breath!
“Last time I checked I’m not wearing a sissy fuckin suit or a gay ass cape that says “captain give a shit” and I certainly didn’t get into this business to kiss the asses of illiterate teenie boppers who think the world owes them something. So when I walk into my station and see 6 teen age asses (one of which may have well been wearing a Hannah Montana T-Shirt she was so fucking young) sitting all over my 100 year old antique desk and hovering all over my sterile station when the rules clearly state only 1 friend allowed per client, this fucks my day up! There is a lobby for a reason…I know it’s there I bought those fancy chairs for your ass to sit in and I pay rent for the building every month… so that question was rhetorical beeeottch! Yeah rhetorical…you’d know the word if you weren’t such a stupid txt-a-holic! You lazy fuck! S-P-E-L-L mother fucker!
Do I go into your house and put my ass all over your shit? No I do not, because my mom and dad raised me to be respectful of other peoples property and if I was caught doin some dumb shit, I caught a beat down. Which apparently the world ran six beat downs short when your parents started shitting out you little turds. If I were the Terminator I’d go back in time to kick all your mothers down the stairs when they were pregnant so I could save the world from destruction. Too many media fed, shit for brains, no talent, reality t.v watching, ass clowns watch L.A Ink and get the wrong impression about what I do. I’m not your best friend, I’m a tattooer…my dog is my best friend mother fucker! When you walk through my doors you are in my shop this ain’t no Burger King bitch! Sailor Jerry, Owen Jensen and Bert Grimm would have all stabbed you in tha dick you fuckin ass gnome! If you are a mature, polite, adult you will be treated as such. If you walk in and roll your eyes, refuse I.D, disrespect the staff, our stations or disrupt our shops employees from focusing on putting PERMANENT artwork under a real paying customers skin who IS of age you will be asked to leave. If you do not leave you will be removed preferrably by force, if you act like you got a set of nuts and step up then I got my good ole Louisville Slugger that doubles as a costumer service representative. I’m mean seriously are you crazy, I’m a tattooer, not to mention a U.S Army combat veteran…do you know what that means…I will beat you to death with your own shoes, eat a happy meal and blame it on PTSD, all while charging you a $125 an hour!
So you can take your google pokiemon outlines and suuuuper original live, laugh, love tattoos down the road and bore some other poor tattooer to death with your 18 looong years of life experience. I’d rather starve to death than put a useless tattoo on an even more useless mouth breather. Your patronage will surely not be missed. As for your concern about my customer service skills. I’m booked up for a reason you stupid little anal terrorist, thanks for your concern though and the next time I see you in my shop I’ll be happy to grab my customer service rep off the wall and introduce you ;)”